SUTLS

Today I woke up at 6.42. This was deliberately early because I have bought a replacement for my broken kettle. I havent had a nice cup of tea for ages because the old kettle was broken and I have had to boil the water on the cooker. I am unable to decipher the science behind it, but water cooked in a saucepan usually creates a frothy layer of scum when I put a tea bag in. I wanted to be up so I had enough time to have a drink free from this tyranny.

I also had some honey nut loops, but not until after I had washed a cleaned my teeth. I left the house at 7.26 to catch the bus. When I got to work, I did very little. I sat in the library first and stared at nothing in particular. Then I went in the staffroom and stared at a window. Then I wandered around a bit before going up for form time. I have had more naughty people added to it and as a result, tutor period is hard work. In fact, in order to have a positive male role model, the naughtiest boy in school is now under my charge. I like him because he thinks everything is gay and everything thinks its funny. To put it into context, if, for example, a computer mouse is not moving smoothly, then that computer mouse would be gay because it thinks its funny.

Everyone was late. When I quizzed them why this was, they said it was because Jesus lives. I was confused. It turns out there had been some religious nutters at the gates creating a scene and telling everybody just that. One child's father threatened to punch them and the head teacher even got in an argument. He said that he was the head and that the people had to leave. They said they wouldn't as they had permission from a higher power. The headmaster asked them if they'd been in touch with the local education authority. When they scoffed at his pagan ways, he informed them they'd obviously not gone high enough and called the police. The party was eloquently broken up when one child shouted "He's dead! Get over it!". With the police just arriving, they took the hint and disappeared. It always seems to be that God loves the strange ones the most.

The rest of the working day was fairly straight forward. I was given a cookie by one of my year 11 brats and then got into quite a bitter argument with a friend of theirs over whose biscuit had the most chocolate chips in. It wasn't mine. However, with half the evidence being eaten, I was determined not to lose this battle of wills as it was against a regular sparring partner. I don't think anybody was fooled.

At lunch I saw one girl (daughter of the angry parent who threatened the Christians) storming around shouting "I'm going to punch that fat cow in her face." She was talking about the librarian. She ran off and slammed her thumb in a set of fire doors so hard that we couldn't open them to free her. When we eventually did, she had to go straight to hopsital, bawling her eyes out. This is what my mother calls the naughty fairies.

I then taught my year 11 class for the second time in the day. Being intelligent enough to learn from my mistakes, I now know that chcoclate chips are gay and decided not to turn biscuit eating into a contest again.

I ended up getting a lift home so did not have to use the buses. I was grateful as I cannot help but fall asleep on them. I got in just in time for Neighbours. The new beginning and ending to it is absolutely rubbish. To be fair, I always think that when they change it, but I cannot see myself warming to this one. The new characters think they're funny too.

I loafed around eating hot dogs and Quality Streets (though the nice ones are all gone and I'm having to go through the purple chocolates with nuts in) before going to meet the others at the band practice room. We were unsure about whether we'd do much as Lloyd is only just out of plaster, but it was quite good in the end. Rowan was in a vulgar mood and kept doing crude things to any object that stood in his way. I was not impressed, even though Joe was. I came home and had what turned out to be an Ovaltine flavoured Quality Street. Disappointed, I went to bed.