SUTLS

Yesterday, I woke up at 9am. This is late for me and I felt proud. After I got out of bed, I cleaned my teeth and washed, but took my time about it. It is getting colder but the heating will stay off for as long as possible. When I was younger and we used to go and visit grandparents for a week during school holidays, my Dad sometimes couldn't come, because of work. When we left, he did the ceremonial 'powering down' where everything that used gas or electricity went off. The bane of his life was the fridge and freezer as that had to stay on. That's where he wasted his 18p every half term. I learned an important lesson from this, though for me, keeping heating off is less to do with money and more to do with the challenge.

I went into town to get nothing in particular. I have had an unexpected windfall of money so needed to spend some of it, though wasn't sure what on. All sorts of fun and genuinely useful things were going through my head... an X Box 360 with Halo 3, a speaker system for my Ipod or maybe even one of those GPS running watches that track your every footstep to tell you how far you go - things that would actually improve the quality of my life in a practical way.

I went into Jessops to look at what I could get, but made the mistake of entering on the first floor, which is the make-up department. It is habited by bright orange women with massive staring eyes and lips bigger than their faces. As I walked in, they locked in on me. Hungrily at first, then disappointedly. As I wandered past successive booths, the life briefly flickered into their eyes before they fell back into their vacant trance, no doubt thinking of sunbeds and lambrini. Not being a woman, they could do nothing for me. That, and the fact that I already looked pretty rad. I did fancy some of the moisturiser though.

Before going out anywhere important, my Dad always used to go through the man's equivalent of this department to sample scents he would never ever buy. I've always known my Dad was stingy, but writing this is making me realise how much. He is probably the second most stingy person I have heard of

I bought nothing from Jessops, but neither did I look or smell like a common person. I kept going round town but found nothing I'd be happy to spend my money on. That is, until I walked past Specsavers. The magnets drew me in.

There are employees who seem to genuinely get excited when I go in there. They know the family name well and they know something good is coming. I carefully selected some frames before taking them to the fitting area. I had a long conversation with a lady about how my more recent purchases are doing. We had a great time scheming about the many possibilities I could get this time around and because of my infamy, I have even been afforded the luxury of ditching the usual catchphrase of "Don't worry, they're supposed to look stupid". Not once did she try to dissuade me.

Originally I was just going to get the lab to pick me some lens colours of their choice as a nice surprise, but after looking through the book, I decided on a yellow pair for the square brown frames and another pair with aquatic green lenses. I am working my way up to mine and Lloyds' latest suggestion - a MASSIVE pair of circular round glasses with yellow lenses to make me look like a fly. They cannot be far away. I also want a pair of prescription glasses with white lenses but a black swirl disappearing into the middle. The problem is, at the minute, such things don't exist.

I actually like yellow lenses as they make everything look sunny. The green ones were done on a whim because of the buy one get one free offer. The lady who served me suggests pink lenses in the shape of love hearts next. This is either a subconscious declaration or she's thinks I am an idiot and is giving me stick. Either way, I'll be a fly or a hypnotist before a hippy.

I went home and drank some rabenhorst cherry nectar and put a Mars drink in the fridge before heading out to visit my Grandad. He lives on his own since our Grandma died and he is my Dads' Dad. He is the stingiest person I have heard of. He's very generous with us and gives us whatever he has, but capitalism will not take a single penny extra from him. The stories are far too many and far too unbelievable to go into in much detail. One quick example is of his bartering skills at the dentist. My grandad once got a £250 reduction off a £250 bill for work done on his Godson, visiting from Poland. They said £250, he said £0. They then knocked it down buy a couple of pounds as a compromise, but he said £0. This slowly and painfully carried on until they reached his level. He achieved the final drop in price by walking out on them.

So, we ate and drank and watched the football scores rolling in. He tried to offer me polish tripe in a jar but I declined saying it wasn't my thing. He said it would be if I was really hungry, like he was in the war, but I'm not and it looked hideous. He tried to make me take it home with me, but I am not going to war so I didn't.

I then met Joe and Kingy to go for an all you can eat Chinese. They charge 40p for tap water there, so I took a bottle in with me and occasionally drank from the sinks in the toilet. I briefly worried about turning into my Dad or Grandad, but all thoughts disappeared from my mind when I remembered that was 40p towards another pair of glasses that will make me look like a twat. We ate til we were full then went back to my flat where I had a cold Mars Drink waiting for me.

Here' we spent the evening talking about being at University. This makes me a little sad and nostalgic as working is far more stressful, but it made Kingy and Joe suicidal.

They were mainly upset because Limp Bizkit seems like yesterday to them, but none of the kids of today remember them or care about Fred Durst and the rest of his band. Nookie was 8 years ago and even Eat You Alive was four years ago! Joe pointed this out sadly and made us all a little depressed. In order to relive the year 2000, we listened to loads of Limp Bizkit and just danced around the front room. We also talked about wrestling and Goldeneye (the game). It was supposed to be fun and therapeutic, but Kingy just went home with a tear in his eye.

I went to bed hopeful. Fred Durst WILL return.