SUTLS

Today, I woke up at the late hour of 7.05. I have a free period lesson one so had no desperate need to get into school and sort out my lessons as quickly. Officially, I have no management duties and I am no longer an NQT so I get raped for lessons as much as is legally allowed. Today, I had two hours free and on top of this, my year group had an assembly first thing which meant I had a break from telling them off, shaking my head and generally despairing for the first 25 minutes of the day.

However, assembly was to be shameful. It was the mystical rewards assembly. Students at our school are issued red slips when theyve been bad and these all contribute to detentions and other punishments. The idea was that we put all the kids who have never had one of these into a draw where they can win an Amazon gift voucher. Form by form, their names would all be flashed up on the assembly wall. Out of a form group of 24 kids, I had 7 names up there. 8B had 19. As the names flashed up on the board and everyone watched on, I knew it wasn't going to be good. But at least we'd definately beat 8G as theyre famous for being rank. When a classlist flashed up, you knew there would be loads by the size of the font each name was written in. When my form came up, it was massive. But we'd beat 8G and second last, although not good, will surely not be subject to a public witchhunt.

8G had 10 names and my sigh was audible to the entire hall whn I realised. Deep down, I knew this would happen. When the shaming session came, the class were no longer 8O, they were MY form. Mr S's class had to do better, because Mr S's class were bottom. Everyone was looking at me and I could do nothing but hang my head. And I'd cheated. Two of the names on my list had a red slip the day before, but it was feasible that I might not have picked it up until after half term, so I ignored them for the time being. I had tried to cheat more, adding names of kids that only had one for a minor offense, but a rival form tutor (for 8M) had got wind of this and stopped me going through with it. She had 11 names on hers. Bitch.

I have taught every child in her form in the past and still teach a lot of them this year. I asked for the list of her pupils. I was surprised by one or two names and made a note of them. We are running the same initiative for the 2nd half of the year. Her bunch of smart asses will last one week after half term before I nail them for breathing loudly. Afterwards, when away from an accusing audience, I gave the rallying speech. I voiced my disgust at being beaten by 8C and told them if nothing else, we have to beat 8M next time. I'll keep my end up by punishing anyone in 8M for doing nothing, but it required teamwork. They had to put in the effort too. If it takes bribery on my part, then so be it.

Later on, I bumped in to the smug goody two shoes who had the best behaved form. I congratulated her through gritted teeth. She accepted my disdainful praise then told me she'd cheated and included anyone with 2 FUCKING RED SLIPS. She said she felt ok about this because she knew other tutors had done it too. The gloves are now off. I have the worst behaved boy in the entire school, currently out on his third suspension since joining us after getting expelled from a nearby school. He will have no logged red slips next term, even if it means extending his suspension by 6 months.

I was then given an incident report for the 2nd worst behaved boy in school, also in my form. He had apparently stuck his hand down his trousers for a short while before withdrawing it and rubbing it all over a girl's face. He was sent to solitary confinement straight away pending a suspension. But I managed to hang, draw and quarter him without the use of the usual red paperwork. Foul as it is, this incident will fly under the radar in terms of the behaviour competition. If there's a few crotch wipings along the way, it's for the greater good.

Later on that day, I was using some computers in the library when a mixed year 8 class was in there. One boy in 8M was misbehaving and getting a telling off. I sidled up to his teacher and informed her that he had never had a red slip and if he got one, it would sort him out good and proper. I turned round and his form teacher was behind me. I had been rumbled. Not only did she go and tell her class my game, she has promised to use the same underhand tactics against my bottom feeders.

As if to hammer the point home about what a devilish selection of heathens I have at my command, I was then reported another incident. One nice boy had been set upon by a pack of rabid first years. Horrible first year kids who despite being about two foot tall, think they own the world. My charge gave as good as he got, despite being outnumbered and was now in a spot of bother. Because I hate all the other boys involved my advice was a slightly better worded version of the following:

"As your teacher and a responsible adult, I have to tell you to drop it and not to retaliate. But my dad always told me once you'd pummelled somebody in the temples til they're dead, they won't bother you again."

I still can't understand why 8O had done so badly in the first behaviour challenge.

Loads of other things happened, but nothing that will help me win the end of year rewards assembly, so none of them matter. Bastards.