What I did today

I have had a really hectic few weeks. Recently, I have been very, very busy with work (mainly because of Ofstead have been into our school), very busy doing stuff with our band and I have also had a couple of illnesses. With one of them, my face was swollen up and i looked rank for a few days and with another i was spectacularly sick and slept on and off for 24 hours. I have spent the last few weeks getting excited about the German Market that sets up near our flat. I have been arriving home in the evening and running to check if it's there yet. I finally rang the council to get its arrival date and when I found out, we organised a bit of a party around it. I ate quite a lot there, then threw it up the following morning. That devilish place has now been tainted forever. Bratwurst will never have the same appeal again.

Everybody at our school was scared stiff of the inspectors that have been in. I wasn't at all, until I saw everyone panicking and realised what was at stake. Basically, there was a chance I'd get observed and their judgement of how good our department was would have solely been down to my performance. Therefore, I began to worry too. I know I am good at my job. Largely, kids enjoy my lessons, like me and do well. But I don't pander to the man. I do things on my terms and they differ slightly from what the paperwork specifies as being good practice. Luckily for me, I had inside information that the geography observation would be done in a colleagues class. After all, she's head of the department and they were focusing on leadership and management, so it made sense.

Of course, second lesson, after twenty minutes, some miserable old man walked into the room and sat in my chair. He just watched. Luckily, the class were working hard, I was prancing around enthusiastically, they were getting excited about the difference between lava and magma and at the end, the assessment for learning activity I had devised visibly impressed the inspector with how much the kids were improving because of each other and not because of me. He left completely happy with our department, largely thanks to my skills.

Flashback twenty minutes, before he had entered the classroom: "Right, we may have an inspector in today. He is judging me and this lesson needs to be good and by the book. Therefore, if I do something I don't normally do, DO NOT question me. Just go with it and look happy to be here. And above all, behave."

As soon as he came in, I wandered around the room giving pupils their prompts about what to do and say and they all did it. He thought I was discussing the tasks and how to iprove their levels marks, but truth be told, I was weaving my elaborate web of deception right in front of his eyes. I played the inspectors like fools.

The following day, the inspectors were still in. I had a bit of an unofficial observation in an RS lesson that went well, but for a brief moment of panic. I have a banter war going on with a colleague. It is now getting very near to the point where one of us going to cross the line. Recently, we have been passing damning lies to each other through some of the pupils in order to gain one upmanship. My last strike came in the previous week. He has a library lesson whilst I have a free period, so I often go into the library to use the computers. His class is the same as one I teach. He winds me up about looking like Peter Parker, I respond by pointing out the similarities between him and Penfold. Whilst I was in the library, I printed out a picture of Danger Mouse and added the caption "Fear Me". I then gave it to one of the pupils to give to him when I was out of the room.

Forwarding to my library lesson, when I was in the middle of a speech in the library with most of Ofstead sitting in the corner, my nemesis appeared. He just stood there grinning with his hands on his hips. I tried not to be vexed by him, but he just stood there, smiling. This was a development I did not want. In the end, professionalism prevailed and he went. But he's left his mark and I will destroy him. After the idiotic drawing of me dancing that I'd found on my desk, he has had two unanswered strikes and justice will be dealt swift and mercilessly.

Then I taught a pretty dodgy year 8 class. Referred to as "The Diggers", because there are a few people in there who will only be capable of digging holes for a living, they are not the easiest bunch. There are seven children with learning difficulties in there and three with behavioural problems. Overall, there are 33 kids in this class. Normally, I get a teaching assistant to support me and them, but on inspection day, i was told there wouldn't be any. I was mostly sure I wouldnt get seen again so took it a bit easier. I didn't get seen and I'm glad. It was a good lesson, the kids who struggle with normal work had different more appropriate work that they managed, the naughty kids behaved and they all learned what I wanted them to. However, on the way I had the obligatory temper tantrum from one girl who started stamping her feet and shouting "I hate you, you're well sad". She never really means it, she only does it because it's expected of her, so I spent the rest of the lesson winding her up in front of the class. Partly because I know she quite likes it and partly because such a mischevious streak keeps the rest of the kids on my side too. Of course, such genius is above the inspector's comprehension and I know I would have got roasted if they'd seen it.

We did well in the inspection and everyone was happy. My nemesis turned up massively hung over the following morning. I spent the whole day shouting at him to ask how his head was. This is not official retaliation, this is just me toying with him

I haven't got much sleep recently. It's the weekend now and I intend to sleep a lot. I'll eat lots too